Holding back
Letting in
Strangers walk
Counter-clock.
How can I keep this in?
I don't even know.
Who are you to tell
Me to what to do?
Who are you to make me give up?
To make me feel less than who I am?
How can I trust you...
When you don't even trust me?
How can I love you...
When you don't love me?
I'm knocking on your door.
So let me in.
Before it's too late
and I walk away
Forever,
to never turn back.
yes i've heard them.
i got scared.
i felt the fear.
i saw saw them...
the cold beings....
no....
not beings...
but demons...
demons of hell...
But that's not all.
I knew something else
I felt the warm touch.
Knew the safety.
Felt the love.
Saw the glow...
The form...
The being...
Of an angel...
Angels of heaven.
But I'm Torn.
Demons haunt me.
Angels save me.
They both know me.
I hear them both.
But...evil is overpowering...
And i'm falling into a dark place.
Demons are more closer to view.
I'm more than scared.
More than frightened.
But it wont end.
Dark is overpowering everything.
I try to listen.
But the demonic whispers...
Come louder than anything.
I don't want this.
This fear swelling up inside me.
I don't want to lose myself into this.
I don't want to cry in this agony.
It's not all the same. I do not choose Evil. I choose Good. Yet, Evil is so much closer to me than good is.
It's this time of year I can't stand.
The time of love.
Something I can do without.
It was she who had saved me.
It was she who had healed me.
It was she who laughed with me. Cried with me. Sang with me. Played with me. Curled up beside me.
She was always there. watching me.
She was always there to cheer me up in ways nobody could understand.
i admired her. she had her own personality. she had her own way of things.
now she's gone. someone else is now in charge of her. is the bond we had still there? will we ever cross paths? will i ever be able to hold her again? ever be able to gain back what she took with her when we were forced apart?
no. i don't think so. but i can hope i'll see her again. i can pray to be with her again. i can wish the pain would end. but it wont. she's gone. along with the part of me she had healed. which was all of me...
What is this?
This emotion I feel?
Have I lost my mind?
Or is this for real?
Do I even know what I mean...
When I say the words?
Am I thinking clearly?
What is this?
How can I even tell that what I feel is true?
How can I let something get to me like this?
Do I even know what I'm talking about?
Do I even know where to begin?
This wanting....
This need....
To be with him...
To be in his arms...
To be in his hold...
For how long?
How long will this last?
This love...This need.
shattered
tattered
broken wings.
blood that stains.
how heavenly?
someone whispers.
someone cries.
but no one hears them die inside.
broken
tattered
shattered heart.
a fallen angel.
a broken heart.
no one knows.
no one cares.
just watch her die.
see her grow.
shattered
broken
tattered soul.
see her here no more
once she was
now she's not
gone so far
now it's too late.
This was the last day.
The last day of my childhood.
When I wake in the morning I'll be an adult.
Finding my place in this world.
I don't know where I'll go.
Let alone who'll I'll be.
But first things first.
I gotta get through my last year of high school.
Yes i'm grown.
I've made it this far.
I'm still learning.
I'll never be done.
Life is just beginning.
The end is still a ways yet.
So I'll focus on the now.
The present.
This is my last day as a minor.
My last day as a child.
I'm a young woman now.
Whether I want to be or not.
So here I am.
Looking at life.
On how much I've grown.
To be who I need to be.
When truth comes to reality.
Yes we are all the same.
But with this.
It's different.
This isn't like me.
To cut things short.
To fallow my heart.
To listen within.
But times are changing,
and the tides coming in.
It's like seeing myself in a different perspective.
Am I getting wiser?
Or am I still the same?
How can I even tell?
I can't.
So what is there left to say?
Left to do?
Live a life not knowing when to stop & go.
Keep the pain in and hidden?
Do what I need to live the life I want?
There's only one person who can answer these questions.
Me. Through the years I grow apart from myself and the past.
And that's all there is to it.
I may not know where I'm going.
Or who I am inside.
But I need to spread my wings and fly.
Or i'll crash and burn to the ground.
