Silenced By My Own Emotions

I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble suffocating.

I don’t know what to do or where to go.

I’m lost.

Everything I used to know is gone.

I can’t feel anything but the tears streaming down my cheeks.

I can feel the emptiness that surrounds me.

I’m silenced by my own emotions.

I’m nothing but lost in my own depression.

With everything I have at on a thin wire.

I can’t breathe knowing what I might lose.

Knowing what might happen.

I fear it…

Claustrophobic

Sometimes I feel like no one can hear me.
I'll be screaming at the top of my lungs.
But all they do is crowd around me and talk louder. I
end up feeling claustrophobic...
i end up feeling like I don't matter to the world...
all I am is a grain of sand...not important...
I'm not worthy of anything.
I'm nothing.
I feel nothing but claustrophobic...suffocated.
I feel like crying because there's nothing else I can do.
I'm trapped in a world if pain and misery.
Haunted by the demons I was cursed with so many years ago...staying claustrophobic.
Will I ever wake up from this nightmare and come back to reality?
Or am I doomed for eternity?

Thoughts

I shouldn't give in so easily.
I shouldn't give up so quickly.
I should learn to let things be.
And not to argue with what could be right.
Love with the heart.
And not with the eyes.
Learn to trust.
Or things will go sour.
Make that wish.
It may come true.
If it doesn't.
Then make it.
You don't always get what you want.
That's a fact.
Don't force it.
Don't argue with it.

I Can't Do This...

I Can't Do This...
I Can't Live A Life Without You...
It'd Be Nothing But A Lie...


Everything Will Go Cold Black...
Everything Will Change...
I Won't Be The Same...


I Wouldn't Know What To Do...
Or Where To Go...
I'd Know Absolutely Nothing...


Stillness...
Emptiness...
Darkness....


A Silence So Dreadful
A Dark Encounter Returning.
Hopelessness.


A Lost Soul Emerging
From Dark Shadows
Long Forgotten...


It's All Coming Back...
And I'm Nothing But Scared.
Dead Scared.

Wishful thinking

Wishful thinking.
Hopless dreams.
Thoughtless wonder.

Not knowing where to start.
Not knowing where to end.
Not knowing what to do.

Where do I go from here?
Where? Tell me.
Please.

I don't want this to end.
I can't do this.
I love you.

But why can't I say it?
Why can't I  say how I really feel?
What am I so afraid of?

Love.
Lust.
Heartbreak.

Wishful thinking.
Hopless dreams.
Thoughtless wonder.

I'm Standing Here

I'm standing here. Alone. With nothing yet everything to lose. Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm lost. But for how long? I know what's going to end up happening. I can't change fate. I have to just learn to accept everything as it is. How it should be. If I were to make a change for myself i'd do it my way and only my way. I can't let some one make my own change for me. No one truly knows me. All of me but me. There are many characteristics and sides to me. all different. Not a single one the same. The only thing they have in common: Memory. Certain memories. Memories of people that got hurt. I hurt. Waiting for it all to end. Waiting for it all to be over. Can It Be Over? Will this end? Please. Please Tell Me It Will. I Can't Do It. I Can't Handle It. It's too much...and i'm still way to fucking emotional...sometimes i feel like putting that cold blade on my skin...and press down really hard and move it down very slowly...just to feel something...to see if i can feel something else. DISTRACTIONS DISTRACTIONS I NEED DISTRACTIONS!!! No...Not Really...Been There...Oh Have I Been There. I'm supposed to be letting go of it all and make a change...aren't i? Yes....I suppose I am...and that it would be best...I Should Start By Getting Rid Of This Mask I'm Wearing. Let It Go. Smash It In A Million Pieces. Am I Crazy????? Hahahahahaha.....Yes....I Suppose So...I Can Never seem to make up my mind...I Understand Now. I Do. I'm Standing Here. Alone. All Alone. No One Understands Me. No One Truly Cares About Me. Not Truly ever will i guess...maybe...maybe one day someone will walk right through the wall i worked so hard on building....the wall that keeps everyone out....the wall that keeps me from truly caring...maybe one day someone will just see right through me...right through my lies...right through who i pretend to be...maybe...just maybe....someday...if not today...that person will come in my life (if they haven't already)...just maybe and only maybe...i wont have to fake a smile...i wont have to fake a laugh...i wont have to stand alone...where i don't have to feel like i have to prove myself...i shouldn't have to feel like i have to prove myself.

I'll Be Fine.

you know what.
i'll be fine.
i've been holding so many things in.
mainly regrets.

and i'm letting it all go.
i'm not gonna let it bother me or keep me tied down.
what was in the past was in the past.
it's over and gone.
no turning back.

i can finally be able to let go.
move on.
enjoy my life to the fullest.
be happy.
be happy for real.
no more pretending.
no more looking back.
all it does is bring me down.
and i don't need it.

no more jumping to conclusions.
no more holding back.
i now know what i want.
and what to do to keep it.
i have to learn to not only trust myself.
but him as well.
no matter what stones get thrown my way.
i want a change in my life...
i need a change...