Now That You're Not Here

It's not gonna be the same.
Now that you're gone.
You were always there for me.
Now you're nowhere to be found.
I used to know you,
Better than myself.


Now I hardly remember you.
When you'd sing me to sleep.
When you'd hold me so tight.
You're gone.
You're not there.
In yet, you are.
I just can't see you.
I can't feel you.
Because I don't know you.
Not anymore.

Where am I?
Who am I?
Will I ever find your love again?
Will I ever gain back the faith that I lost?

Oh God. Please talk to me.
I'm trying to listen.
But I've given up all hope.
I'm lost in this nightmare.
this never ending fear.

So what do I do now?
What do I do now that you're not here?
Where do I go from here?
Only time will tell.

ME

Nobody knows me.
Nobody will.
When someone gets too close
I stray away.
I fear love.
I fear hope.
I fear him along with myself.

The world is dark.
Cold and mystified.
I know the truth.
I know the lies.
I know my heart.

My soul is shattered.
In a million pieces it fell.
Lost in silence.
Crying still.
Who'll save me...
from myself?

The pains too much.
And I can't bear it.
Each passing moment.
Each timeless count.
I draw near to my fate.
Which will turn.
In the final breath.

I see him no more.
I feel him not.
He is gone.
I left him.
To hurt.
To cry.
To live.
To learn.

random out-there thinking

i wonder. where does life go? where does it end? where does it even begin? how can u be sure how to even live a life when u don't have a chance? it's unknown. it's not a question to be answered. it's an action u must learn to make  for urself & urself only. so what's the point? there isn't one. so who really cares? no one. so y the hell am i even randomly thinking about this? i haven't the slightest clue in the world.

Broken

This is the way I've been feeling for a while. It doesn't seem to fade. Even though I wish it would.

I'm broken in so many places, but no one seems to care nor notice.

It's like I'm there. But I'm not. My heart has been crushed into a million pieces. My soul has been shattered. My Dreams are long gone. In the past.

What do you do? Nothing. You can try to mend my broken wounds. But they won't heal. They'll never heal. And whenever someone gets close enough to heal them. Something bad has to happen. And they become bigger gaps then they have already been.

It's hard for me to love someone because of this. This fear I've surrounded myself in. A fear of losing myself completely. A fear of love itself.

Where is my reason to even be here. I broke my own damn heart because of all my fears. I've been hurt so many times. I've been crushed. I can't handle this pain. I can't handle this depression. The tears I cry. Out of sympathy for myself and myself only. The fact that I choose to put a smile on my face and pretend to be happy. When truth comes to matter. I just want to curl up and cry.
Sometimes I don't even know who I can trust. I've been betrayed by people I trusted with my life. And look where I am now. Slowly trying to dig myself out of this living Hell that was created before me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                

          My whole world has been shattered. And all I seem to do is contribute to it. What's left of my heart do I have? How much love do I hold? Everything was taken from me...that innocence that protects us....was broken....so long ago....shattered into a million pieces...and I was left broken...as he remained standing tall and proud. With nothing to lose. And left my here to slowly die in pain and misery.

It Doesn't Matter

It doesn't matter does it? As time goes by and questions remain unanswered. Who'll be the one to take away all the pain and frustration? Who'll be the one who you know deep inside you can trust? Who you can rely on no matter what...
So who'll be there to save you in your time of need? Who'll be there when you have no one? It's not the matter of God being there. Does He even truly exist? Who am I to even ask such a question some people would surely look down on and protest. But. Who is He in terms of reality?